The Origin of marriage and what it should be

The concept of marriage is found in the Bible. That’s right — the Bible. Marriage is not a secular concept; it is a biblical concept. So with that in mind, let’s take a look at what the world says marriage is today.

Marriage today is treated as a secular concept. People marry for fame, for financial security, for all kinds of reasons. The concept has been twisted to the point that it hardly resembles the original, and many people today don’t believe in marriage anymore — they just live together.

Let’s go back to the origin and see how it all began. Genesis 2:21-25:

“And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof; and the rib, which the LORD God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man. And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.”

That is the start of marriage — not the courts, not society, not culture.

Now that we have established the origin of marriage, let’s dig into what marriage should be. Marriage is the union of a man and a woman, and this union is a berit — a covenant — before Yahweh. Malachi 2:14 calls her “the wife of thy covenant.” That word, covenant, is berit in the Hebrew.

Now, I want to be straight with you about this word, because I have heard it taught too simply — including by me. A berit is a formal, binding covenant. Some of them in Scripture are one-sided promises: with Abraham, God alone passed between the pieces (Genesis 15) — Abraham just received it. With Noah, God promised never to flood the earth again, no strings attached. But other berit covenants are two-sided, with obligations on both parties: at Sinai the people said “all that the LORD hath spoken we will do” (Exodus 24:7), and God bound Himself to them in return. So a berit is not automatically a business contract, and it is not automatically a one-way promise — it is a binding covenant, and you have to look at each one to see its terms. What does not change: it is serious, it is sealed, and it is made before Yahweh. That is what marriage is.

So this changes how we look at marriage. The husband is to lead the family: to provide for his wife, to take care of her, and to protect her. With these tasks comes great responsibility. Let’s look at each one.

1. The husband’s responsibility to provide. To “provide” is more than bringing money into the marriage. He is to be the king of the marriage — responsible for financial support, for spiritual support, and for emotional support.

2. The husband’s responsibility to take care. To take “care of” his wife means to provide a home, food, and to clothe her.

3. The husband’s responsibility to protect. To “protect” his wife means just that — the husband is to make sure his wife is safe. Safe from all harm, including abuse. And yes, that means safe from harm by her own husband too.

As a king, do you not rule over your own kingdom? Our kingdom consists of our home and our work. It does not matter how big or small your kingdom is — we still rule over it. And when we ask a woman to marry us, we bring our queen into our kingdom. That is how we fulfill what is listed above.

A wife’s obedience to her husband

Many husbands understand the “a wife has to be obedient to her husband” part — well, let’s take a look at whether that is actually true or just another wrong teaching.

Genesis 3:16:

“Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee.”

Ephesians 5:22-24:

“Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.”

1 Peter 3:1-7:

“Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; while they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear. Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; but let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price. For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands: even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement. Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.”

Now that we have established that the Bible does require the wife to submit to her husband, let’s look closer. The actual word used in the biblical text is shama — it means to listen, to hear. I have not found anything showing the wife is to be a slave to her husband. On the contrary: the woman was made from man to be his helper. And with all the responsibilities the husband carries, making his wife a slave would contradict every one of them. Also, submission does NOT mean obeying anything that goes against the Word of Yahweh. And remember this too: the husband, the king, also submits to his queen.

Ephesians 5:25:

“Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it.”

That word “love” — I believe the Messiah spoke it in Hebrew as ahava, the love that gives and devotes itself completely. (That is my belief about His words, not something the Greek text states outright.) Love your wife the way Messiah loved — by giving Himself up. That is the husband’s responsibility.

What commitment means

Now let’s talk about the marriage process, and I want to be careful and honest here, because I have stated this too strongly in the past.

Here is what the Bible plainly shows: betrothal was binding. When Joseph found Mary with child before they came together, being “a just man, and not willing to make her a publick example, was minded to put her away privily” (Matthew 1:19). Put her away — that is divorce language, for a woman he was only betrothed to, not yet married. In Israel, once you were pledged, you were bound. Breaking it took a divorce.

Many teachers also see the wedding picture in John 14:2-3 — “I go to prepare a place for you” — as the bridegroom leaving after the betrothal to prepare a room at his father’s house, then returning for his bride. I find that compelling, but I will be honest: it is an interpretation, disputed, not a verse that says so outright.

So here is where I land, and I will label it plainly: I do not claim I can prove from one verse that a modern proposal equals marriage in Yahweh’s eyes — that would be overstating it. But the principle is strong in Scripture: once you have given your word and committed yourself to someone, you are bound by it, and Yahweh holds you to it. That means dating others after you have committed, bachelor parties, carrying on like you are still single — that is wrong. You are subject to the law on adultery from the moment of your commitment, not just from the wedding night. Abstain until the wedding. Live apart until after the wedding. Yes, I know that ruffles feathers. But if you are committed to the Bible, then follow the Bible.

And if your response is “well, these are the commandments given to Israel, not to Gentiles” — then I have a question for you. I assume you are a Christian and believe you are grafted into Israel. If that is the case, then you are committed to their commandments too. Many of us forget the part about being grafted in.

One last thing. As I showed you from Genesis, woman was created for man — to be his helper, his companion. That means woman is a gift from Yahweh and needs to be treated accordingly. A gift from Yahweh.